Marriage… Is It Worth It?

by Jesse on April 11, 2012

I wanted to talk about something that has been on my heart for some time now, but I hadn’t been able to put into words. Writing isn’t my best attribute, but I am going to try my best to get across my message today. I have came across several articles talking about marriage and relationships and I think they are so inaccurate. (If you saw my instagram post then you know where I am going with this.) This summer my husband and I will be married 13 years and together a total of 18 years. I know that I am still young and have lots to learn about marriage and what it takes to make it another 18 years, but I can tell you I feel like I am on the right track.

{photo via imago vita photography and our 10 year ann. session}

It really saddens me that the worlds role models for marriage (and self-esteem) are people like Kim Kardashian and the desperate housewives! I know that may not go over very well with some of you, but it is the truth. Have you ever heard the phrase, “what you surround yourself with you become”. My take on this is if you are trying your best to keep up with”Kim” and the divorced housewives you will become it. So it goes with everything in life. I try my best to surround myself with women who adore their husbands and encourage me to put my marriage first also.

As I was thinking about writing this post I decided to make a list of things that have made my marriage a success thus far. Now I am in no way saying I have the perfect marriage. I tell my husband, who laughs, the things I LOVE about him are also the things that drive me crazy about him! Case in point, he is a go getter! If he wants something or needs you to know something he is going to say it. I LOVE that about him. I has gotten me several discounts on things I have really wanted. But when it comes to being direct with me, there are times I dislike it. I am however, so glad he is that way. We hash things out and they don’t fester and become bigger problems. So *communication is super high on the list! *GOD… that would be number 1 on the list. Have you ever seen the analogy that shows a triangle, with God at the top point of the triangle. The closer you are to God the closer you are to each other and the further away from God the further from each other. It really is so true. *Let go of your ego. *You don’t always have to be right! * Go with your spouses intuition too. Those all go together. I’ll tell you another little story that changed the way I do things with my husband and put away my need to be right. One summer the twins were about 2 years old and Rhett 3, we wanted to take them to a splash pad. Well there are two in our area that we like. I wanted to go to the one that was slightly more secluded, so we didn’t have to share as much. =) Josh wanted to go to the other one that was usually busier. I kept on about where I wanted to go and he gave in. This particular park isn’t too far from downtown Tulsa and you can’t see the actual park area until you get over the hill, so as we get over the hill we notice two homeless men sitting down at the toy area. Great! Of course my very unsocial children (hear my sarcasm) ran straight over to talk to them! My husband was trying his best to be polite and hope they would mosey the other way when one of the men grabbed his arm in an aggressive manner. Luckily soon after that they left. We grabbed the kids and got out of there as soon as we could. After we got into the car he told me he had a weird feeling about going to that park and that was why he didn’t want to go to it. Men have intuition too. After that I have really tried my best to honor him if he has a strong feeling about a situation.

My husband has a big ego, lol! So for a while I wasn’t the best at showering him with *compliments. One day he said to me, he would like for me to tell him more I was proud of him. I felt terrible! I was and AM so *proud of him! He has really worked hard at developing skills he is now so great at! He really is so inspiring! I don’t hesitate to tell him that now. I leave him little notes at his desk for ย him to find in the morning. Telling him how much I appreciate him. I encourage you to try it to. Never know what you will get in return…

*Embrace something they love. Josh was a wrestler… all through junior high and high school. I fell in love with watching him and in turn fell in love with the sport itself. Now it is a mutual love and something we both have a great time watching. Our love of the sport has now turned into Rhett’s love! It is so much fun!

*Loyalty! From what I hear that is a hard thing to find these days. How sad. If you think about it though, look around at how many people are loyal to their “friends”, or their job. My husband and I have had this talk often. People who can’t be loyal in one area of their life seem to make exception in other area of their lives as well.

*BE BEST FRIENDS! What?!! That would be so weird! Can I tell you how much I hate that cop out! Josh is my VERY best friend! I can talk to him about any thing. He will tell me if I look fat in that, or if my hair looks bad! (If I ask, lol) At the end of the day don’t you want to lay in bed with your best friend.? Someone you know will always have your back, that you can sit up all night talking to about ANYTHING. I do!

Marriage isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. No offense, but really men are all the same. Everyone has their issues. When you dump this one and move onto the next one he will have his quirk too. We all do! You have to work at it and realize that their isn’t anyone that is going to be completely perfect. You are going to get mad at them and they are going to get mad at you.

The best advice I ever got was from a friend when I was upset at Josh. (I don’t usually share when Josh and I have a tiff, because I think that is a private matter. Something to work out between us… communication)

When you are upset at your husband think about all of the things you love about him!

Try it! It really does help!

Hope I didn’t bore you to death or run you off. Just my two cents on what I try to practice to keep my marriage going for many more years!

xx

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Kim@livingtoseasthemomentNo Gravatar April 11, 2012 at 9:09 pm

love this and love you! In a day when so many young couples are just divorcing so quickly, you are such an inspiration!!! Amazing post…you GO GIRL!!!

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JesseNo Gravatar April 11, 2012 at 10:45 pm

Thank you so much for being such an amazing friend and inspiration! Love you!

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EvalynNo Gravatar April 11, 2012 at 10:03 pm

What a great post Jess! You both have made such a wonderful family…and btw, my husband is my best friend too! ๐Ÿ™‚

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BlairNo Gravatar April 11, 2012 at 10:05 pm

I LOVE this!! I completely agree with everything you said.

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Lindsay LeeNo Gravatar April 11, 2012 at 10:12 pm

I love this! I am quickly learning all these important things…many which could have saved my marriage perhaps… Love you girl!

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Taryn @ Design, Dining + DiapersNo Gravatar April 11, 2012 at 10:23 pm

I think this is such a great post. Marriage IS worth it! I get so upset when I see people give up on their marriages or treat divorce like a high school break-up. Marriage is special and something God gave us to cherish. I have always loved the ‘triangle’ analogy, it is so true and something to constantly remember. Have you ever read Love and Respect Book? Its such a great book and was a really cool experience for my husband and I. It teaches about different communication behaviors how men want to feel respected and women just want to feel loved. Highly recommend it! Again, great post and thanks for being an inspiration to many!

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JesseNo Gravatar April 11, 2012 at 10:48 pm

Thanks Tayrn! I haven’t read that one, but sounds very similar to a series called “For women only” and “For Men Only”. Love them! I will definitely check out the one you mentioned!
xx

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KristiNo Gravatar April 11, 2012 at 11:18 pm

Loved it!!!!!! Its just the little things in life. Knowing both of you and your love for one another is such an inspiration to me, it’s real and it’s out there, it truely is soooo sweet!

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JesseNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 8:16 am

Thank you Kristi!

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lindsey pageNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 12:38 am

Thank you for this lovely post!
My man and I are only still in the dating stage but as we have been working through our relationship I think it’s incredible to hear what advice married couples have and how they have made their relationships work. It’s never too early to practice some of these important and Godly attributes! Thank you again ๐Ÿ™‚

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JesseNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 8:15 am

Thanks Lindsey! It is never too early to start putting those good habits into place! Wishing you and your man all the best in your future together!
xx

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Karen At HomeNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 3:27 am

I love this post Jesse! I agree with you so much about becoming who and what you surround yourself with. You’ve all the good advice and the lessons you have learned as a married woman.

Congratulations on a long and successful marriage.

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JesseNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 8:14 am

Thank you so much Karen!

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BromeliadNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 7:13 am

Awwww.

My only additional piece of advice is that it also helps to laugh your butts off at each other.

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SusanNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 8:04 am

Great post, Jesse! You are such an inspiration and with 18 years under your belt, you definitely have a lot of experience and knowledge that I don’t. My husband and I have been together for 7 years (married for almost 3) and we’re constantly evolving and learning more about each other. If there is one tip I could give others, it is to realize that people do grow/change/evolve and that you have to give your spouse the opportunity to do that, and then you have to do your best to grow/change/evolve alongside them. I think it makes the whole experience of marriage so amazing! Thanks again for putting up a great post!

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JesseNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 8:13 am

You are SO SO right on! I’m so glad you included this! This definitely something Josh and I practice in our marriage too!
xx

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SusanNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 8:06 am

One more thing … I tried to comment on your Easter post earlier this week, but whenever I click on the {0 comments} link, it pops up an error. I’m not sure if it’s a problem on my computer or the post, but wanted to give you the heads up. I loved the picture of the kids!

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JesseNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 8:13 am

Thank you! I’ll check that out! =)

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Bethany GNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 10:57 am

I feel like so many people don’t even like their spouse! So refreshing to read about how much you love each other and how you work through the tough times! ๐Ÿ™‚

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AmandaNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 11:36 am

Really great posts. I don’t think you can ever spend too much time reflecting on what makes a great marriage. It’s definitely a job, but a job worth taking!!!

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Alana @ Domestic Bliss DiariesNo Gravatar April 12, 2012 at 8:11 pm

Amen! Marriage isn’t easy, but it is definitely worth it! Thank you for having the courage to share your heart.

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NatalieNo Gravatar April 14, 2012 at 10:04 am

Love this post! Marriage can be absolutely WONDERFUL if you have the right attitude & priorities. Thank you for being so honest! ๐Ÿ™‚

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sharstinNo Gravatar April 14, 2012 at 2:08 pm

the small things–yes! this is so fantastic–and you are amazing~
Thanks for this!

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HeatherNo Gravatar April 18, 2012 at 6:48 am

Thank for you writing this. I find myself so discouraged by views on marriage…even in more “conservative” circles. I agreed with so much of what you said. Marriage takes a lot of work, but it is so worth it. Especially when you are sharing it with your best friend and soul mate. ๐Ÿ™‚

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JenniNo Gravatar April 18, 2012 at 8:15 pm

wonderful post jesse!! thank you! ๐Ÿ™‚

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Clay FranklinNo Gravatar June 1, 2014 at 6:47 pm

Great article on marriage.
We’re going on 36 years now.
IMO whenever you say husband it could be wife and the story shows insight to a successful marriage.
I might ask what Josh asked ๐Ÿ™‚

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