I wanted to talk about something that has been on my heart for some time now, but I hadn’t been able to put into words. Writing isn’t my best attribute, but I am going to try my best to get across my message today. I have came across several articles talking about marriage and relationships and I think they are so inaccurate. (If you saw my instagram post then you know where I am going with this.) This summer my husband and I will be married 13 years and together a total of 18 years. I know that I am still young and have lots to learn about marriage and what it takes to make it another 18 years, but I can tell you I feel like I am on the right track.
It really saddens me that the worlds role models for marriage (and self-esteem) are people like Kim Kardashian and the desperate housewives! I know that may not go over very well with some of you, but it is the truth. Have you ever heard the phrase, “what you surround yourself with you become”. My take on this is if you are trying your best to keep up with”Kim” and the divorced housewives you will become it. So it goes with everything in life. I try my best to surround myself with women who adore their husbands and encourage me to put my marriage first also.
As I was thinking about writing this post I decided to make a list of things that have made my marriage a success thus far. Now I am in no way saying I have the perfect marriage. I tell my husband, who laughs, the things I LOVE about him are also the things that drive me crazy about him! Case in point, he is a go getter! If he wants something or needs you to know something he is going to say it. I LOVE that about him. I has gotten me several discounts on things I have really wanted. But when it comes to being direct with me, there are times I dislike it. I am however, so glad he is that way. We hash things out and they don’t fester and become bigger problems. So *communication is super high on the list! *GOD… that would be number 1 on the list. Have you ever seen the analogy that shows a triangle, with God at the top point of the triangle. The closer you are to God the closer you are to each other and the further away from God the further from each other. It really is so true. *Let go of your ego. *You don’t always have to be right! * Go with your spouses intuition too. Those all go together. I’ll tell you another little story that changed the way I do things with my husband and put away my need to be right. One summer the twins were about 2 years old and Rhett 3, we wanted to take them to a splash pad. Well there are two in our area that we like. I wanted to go to the one that was slightly more secluded, so we didn’t have to share as much. =) Josh wanted to go to the other one that was usually busier. I kept on about where I wanted to go and he gave in. This particular park isn’t too far from downtown Tulsa and you can’t see the actual park area until you get over the hill, so as we get over the hill we notice two homeless men sitting down at the toy area. Great! Of course my very unsocial children (hear my sarcasm) ran straight over to talk to them! My husband was trying his best to be polite and hope they would mosey the other way when one of the men grabbed his arm in an aggressive manner. Luckily soon after that they left. We grabbed the kids and got out of there as soon as we could. After we got into the car he told me he had a weird feeling about going to that park and that was why he didn’t want to go to it. Men have intuition too. After that I have really tried my best to honor him if he has a strong feeling about a situation.
My husband has a big ego, lol! So for a while I wasn’t the best at showering him with *compliments. One day he said to me, he would like for me to tell him more I was proud of him. I felt terrible! I was and AM so *proud of him! He has really worked hard at developing skills he is now so great at! He really is so inspiring! I don’t hesitate to tell him that now. I leave him little notes at his desk for him to find in the morning. Telling him how much I appreciate him. I encourage you to try it to. Never know what you will get in return…
*Embrace something they love. Josh was a wrestler… all through junior high and high school. I fell in love with watching him and in turn fell in love with the sport itself. Now it is a mutual love and something we both have a great time watching. Our love of the sport has now turned into Rhett’s love! It is so much fun!
*Loyalty! From what I hear that is a hard thing to find these days. How sad. If you think about it though, look around at how many people are loyal to their “friends”, or their job. My husband and I have had this talk often. People who can’t be loyal in one area of their life seem to make exception in other area of their lives as well.
*BE BEST FRIENDS! What?!! That would be so weird! Can I tell you how much I hate that cop out! Josh is my VERY best friend! I can talk to him about any thing. He will tell me if I look fat in that, or if my hair looks bad! (If I ask, lol) At the end of the day don’t you want to lay in bed with your best friend.? Someone you know will always have your back, that you can sit up all night talking to about ANYTHING. I do!
Marriage isn’t easy, but it’s worth it. No offense, but really men are all the same. Everyone has their issues. When you dump this one and move onto the next one he will have his quirk too. We all do! You have to work at it and realize that their isn’t anyone that is going to be completely perfect. You are going to get mad at them and they are going to get mad at you.
The best advice I ever got was from a friend when I was upset at Josh. (I don’t usually share when Josh and I have a tiff, because I think that is a private matter. Something to work out between us… communication)
When you are upset at your husband think about all of the things you love about him!
Try it! It really does help!
Hope I didn’t bore you to death or run you off. Just my two cents on what I try to practice to keep my marriage going for many more years!